A few of the pains:
- Zach asking when Marcus is going home (and not seeming very satisfied with the answer that Marcus IS home)
- Zach acting out more and more vigorously (those of you who have traveled this road before, tell me it DOES get better...?) with more and more time outs, more door slamming, more yelling...
- Zach told me last week that he was going to "cry a little" when he went to bed--he was feeling sad about Marcus being here (this broke my heart into a million pieces and I still cannot talk/write about it without tearing up)
- Me feeling like we're sending Zach away each day when he goes to Grams' and really struggling with the way that feels
- Post-partum issues seem to be in full swing for me...the tears are coming a little too freely these days but I've got a call in to my counselor
- Chris struggling with balancing two kids--and the stress that comes with it. Interestingly enough, up to the point that the hormones/emotions kicked in for me, the transition of one to two kids was WAY easier than the transition of zero to one...now I'm struggling more and Chris is doing much better.
7 comments:
Since I don't have two I have no words of wisdom. I can say that if you'd posted how perfect everything was I'd say you were the first new Mom of 2 I've ever known to be so lucky.
And I can offer you lots and lots of hugs and positive thoughts.
It gets better. Wayyyyy better. Hugs!
Oh, honey, it gets better. Nobody would have two children that lived to adulthood if it stayed that hard.
The best thing you can do for yourself is recognize and refuse the guilt. Zach does not deserve every single moment of your time and energy and attention - nor does Marcus, or Chris, or even yourself. People need to spread their attention out, we need more than one relationship in our lives. It's healthy for Zach to learn where he fits in - he'll always be super-important to you, but that doesn't mean he has to be the only pull on your attention. Of course he doesn't like it - who would? Change is hard, after all - but he'll get over it. Just let the guilt go; he's sad, that's natural, and wonderful that he's smart enough to be able to express it. Someday, you will come sneaking around the corner and find your boys falling over laughing like monkeys at some secret strange joke that you'll never understand, and your heart break all over again.
I know it's not easy. Guilt likes to sneak in under the coattails of its old friend, depression. But you can do this. One day at a time, and reminding yourself sternly that by giving him a brother, you gave Zach one of the biggest, most precious gifts - a long-term, future relationship - that you ever could have given. You didn't take anything away from him, because he never could have had your complete and undivided attention forever, it wouldn't have been healthy.
Hang in there, sweetie. It gets better. Really, really.
wow, the previous post of kate's is right on. Couldn't have said it better or give any more advice than that.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Yes it will get better!!
Definitely Kate was right on. Here's a thought. And maybe Marcus is too young yet, but can you teach Z how to feed Marcus with the bottle? Have him start making the choices on what Marcus should wear, what story he should hear, etc. Maybe if Z could take a little ownership it might help. Hang in there Kim. And remember, any time I can steal one away I'm up for it.
Once again our friend Kate has the best words of wisdom, way better than anything I could have written. Just know that it does get better, and easier. Hugs.
Kim take Kates words of wisdom to heart because she is right..... you are so blessed..you have 2 healthy boys...a husband that loves you as he does....a beautiful home....friends that love you.....co workers that admire you......life is so good....don't make me give you my refuge speech!
BIG HUG Grams
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